“Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”

Hello all, sorry I haven’t blogged in a while.
About here, I would think of something to excuse myself for not blogging, but I have not found any excuses from my Genius-excuse Database, so I am afraid you will have to do with what you found above…

So, after the plane ride, I went to a trash can—intending to throw-up, if you will excuse me.
But then I remembered I wasn’t capable of throwing-up, so I fell in the trash can.
“De Ja Vu!”

Once I got out and cleaned myself (I won’t even mention my bathroom experience), things were going great, until I realized a major fact I had not computed: I couldn’t speak (let alone understand German).

I didn’t even know they had it, but I guess they still have Google—in fact, it has it’s own internet server, now.
Anyways, I tried checking in the Google Translator, but, even now; Translators aren’t always accurate.
I have tried doing using that, but I still couldn’t find the museum my pals are in (I never realized how important communication was)… Until the day-before yesteday…
So, I think I have FINALLY found-it, but I realized yet another uncomputed (I know that isn’t a word, but I can’t find a word from my Word-Database that bests describes-it, so I am inventing one!) question: How was I going to get my friends out of this museum?
I went in there, yesterday, and I found the commander in a glass case… Just sitting there…
So, he must’ve been deactivated, but I didn’t realize that until after 4 hours of talking…

Anyone have any ideas as of how to get them out… Legally, I hope?

I suppose I could just break or open the glass case—if I stole the keys, maybe it would be more legal than breaking the glass case?
On the other hand, I suppose I could just buy them—I think I might just have a little more green stuff around…

So, the past month or so, I have been living in this guy name Fred’s basement.
I was in need of a home, and, until that time, I had been living in the trash can (yes, I cleaned-it—in fact, I dumped-it in Fred’s shower—Thus I met Fred, but that is another story…).

Anyways, in short, I have been living in Fred’s basement in exchange that I can his pickled eggs.
You see, it’s sort of an agreement we have, or at least I think so—it sounded like it, at least—he speaks German.

Anyways, I believe I must end this now…

Steve`

On The Road (Er, Flight) To Berlin.

I awoke to the sound of shouting—I was still in my bag.

I got-up, unzipped the bag, and took a look around.
Evidently, the shouting was coming from several large speakers in the walls and ceiling.
I thought it was quite loud (probably because I was right next to one of the speakers) and found the noise hardly comprehensible.

However, I did managed to decipher that my flight in which I was supposed to serve some stuff known as “Coffee” was about to leave in less than 3 Minutes and that the final boarding was taking place.
At first I understood the words, but didn’t know what I was supposed to do.
Once I had finally computed that that meant I was supposed to go to the plane as fast as I could, I heard that there was only about 90 seconds left!
I panicked for the first 30 seconds—but that was no help, so I ran around in circles and screamed for another 30, but that still didn’t work.
So I picked-up the bag and raced around them airport until I found my flight—only 10 seconds left!

They made this weird kinda dramatic count-down: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6” *I see the door* “3, 2, 1” *I start racing to the door* “0, -1, -2, -3” *I stop, rather confused* “-8, -9 -10 -9 -10 -9 -10” *More confused than ever* “-11, -5, 32, 5643, -849328, -11, 10, -11, 10, -9, 10 and… ZWERK! BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! WHISTLE! *Several electronic noises* Fuzz…………….”

I decided that, even though it appeared there was an intercom-robot system malfunction, there was no need for myself to malfunction, too; so I decided to “Unfreeze” myself and go into the airplane-thingy, Take a few deep “Breaths”, reboot, ect.

But once I got there, I totally forgot that I was supposed to serve coffee!
A robot on the airplane stopped me for a moment, put a large tray on my head, and placed several cups of dark smelly-stuff (When I said they smelled funny, the robot asked how I could smell, as I had no smell-sensors. But I said something like, “Even I can smell that“) that seemed rather brownish-blackish.
Then the robot left, leaving me there, balancing a large metal tray of Coffee on my head.

I wasn’t entirely sure what on earth I was doing, but I soon saw a man wave to me, then clap, and then yodel and jump and started shouting “COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! MOCA! LATTE! OVER HERE!” over and over again—evidently, he was trying to get my attention and wanted some of the dark stuff.

The next 4 1/2 hours are rather hard to explain, and hard to remember: filled with bright blurs of greedy people, giving dark stuff in exchange for green stuff, having several bigger and more experienced robots yelling at me, spilling messes of coffee all over the floor, mistaking the common green stuff for garbage, ect.

When this was finally all over and I had sold all the coffee on the tray, I thought I was done—but I have almost never been more wrong.

Once I had sat-down to enjoy the flight in my third-class solid-iron seat in the very back, the commander robot got mad at me and refilled my tray with Coffee (it forgot the cups, at first—it just comes to prove that even very experienced robots make mistakes sometimes, which makes me wonder why it got so mad—I think it had a short circuit and a short temper to match).
So, in the end, I had to do it all all over again for the next 2/3 of the flight.

When I was finally done (I was very tired by now), I met the pilot of the airplane and he asked if I would like to do it all again sometime. He was quite cheerful about it all, but I politely said “No.” 🙂

Steve`

An Old File From My Memory Banks…

The falfunctioned F.A.R from a previous post:

Steve`

A Bathroom… There isn’t really anything more interesting about it… :) / I didn’t know I was Germophobic!

So, at around this point, I would come-up with some kind of excuse for my absence of my blog.
Unfortunately, I am without any luck, so you’ll just have to be happy that I’m finally blogging. 🙂

Anyways, I rolled in that bag for a couple of minutes until I ran-into something.
Hoping that it was a bathroom, I peeked-out, “Hmmm… That’s not it…”
A couple minutes later, upon running-into something, I peeked-out again, “Oh, that’s not it, either…”
After a couple more minutes of rolling, I peeked-out, yet again, “That’s not it!”
Similar stories occurred during the following 3 hours.

Eventually, I, yet again, ran-into (well, technically, I rolled-into it) something again: “That’s not it. Ew! What is that? Oh, why, here it is!”

I rolled-out-of my bag and, since that bathrooms are known to be somewhat gross, I left my bag outside-of the bathroom.

Before I entered the bathroom, I saw two doors—one with a figure depicting a woman, and another depicting a man.
I looked at myself—I’m a robot—there’s no robot bathroom!!!!!
After much deliberation, I decided to go into the first bathroom that was empty—that should be right.
I ended-up rolling-into the Men’s Bathroom—though I almost tripped the guy that came-out.
As usual, he looked at me funny (I wonder why everyone does that… : /).

Once I was in the bathroom, I closed the door behind me, and changed a small slot to “Occupied” (this also locked the door).
Luckily, this particular bathroom had been vandalized, so the slot was around My “‘Eye’-Level.” 🙂
I looked-around, and I saw a filthy, icky, smelly, bathroom.
My Database told-me that there were over 1.5 million germs in a small section.
This terribly frightened me and I tip-toed (something very difficult to achieve, especially if you don’t have any toes) around the bathroom, trying to avoid those awful germs.
Eventually I managed to climb-onto the top counter.
I looked-around and saw two Robot Bath-tubs—just for me!
There was even some liquid-soap!
I thought, “People are so nice—they made a Robot Bath-tub, just for me! In fact, I don’t even see a Person Bath-tub! They are so nice…”
I then happily bathed in the Robot Bath-tubs (I used both, twice—there were a lot of germs in the room), and realized how dirty I had been—having not bathed most-of my life.

Once I was done, I realized how easy it was to get down from the counter.
But then I realized that I had fallen face-first into a big colony of germs!
I screamed, rubbed my face, and rolled—right into a wall.
I quickly got a hold of myself and quickly rolled to the counter.
I then quickly climbed the counter and quickly bathed in both of the tubs.

And I am afraid that I didn’t actually get out-of there for many an hour—every time was the same story: Roll to counter, climb counter, bathe twice in each tub, jump face-first into a giant colony of germs, and roll into a wall.

But eventually, just as I was about to jump-off the counter, I realized I was in some kind of Loop—so I decided to climb down the counter—and then roll-out.
I then took a long nap in my bag.

Steve`

Of Libraries, Malfunctioning Robots, Nightmarish Parking-lots, and Airports.

Continued from last entry…

I managed to get-out-of the pile of books with my geography book and Hermit-crab.
“YEAH!” I exclaimed as I lifted my book in the air.
I then looked-around and realized that there were several other robots (most of them worked there) staring at me funny.
I then felt a new emotion: Embarrassment.
I then nervously laughed electronically and, after awkwardly standing there while holding my book in the air, I rolled away—completely forgetting about the mess I had left.

I went into an empty-bookshelf and opened the book.
The book was larger than me and it was most difficult to turn the many pages.
But, after aprox. 3 hours, 22 minutes, and 35 seconds; I found the correct page.
It turns-out, there was actually an airport right next to the Library I was in.
I wondered, “Now how on earth did I miss it? There’s a giant tower!”

Anyhow, I rolled-off—carrying my book.
I was about to roll-out the door when, all of a sudden, there was a loud, bleeping noise.
I looked-around—trying to figure-out what had happened.
Then I saw a familiar model (read my post, A Confrontation).
“WHERE IS YOUR CARD?” said the mechanical-being in a loud, deep, electronic voice.
I looked-around, in a panicking-manner.
I then spotted, out of sheer luck, a Jack of Hearts on the floor.
I picked it up and shielded my face with it in front of the harsh machine.
Then, all of a sudden a beam of blue light burst from the machine, swept up and down across my “card”, and it then re-entered into the machine.
I then heard a bunch of strange sounds come from the machine.<br.
It then stated, "THIS CARD IS IRRELEVANT."
That didn’t sound very good.

I then ran to the desk (evidently, you needed some kind of card in a library).
I looked-around for some-kind of receptionist.
Then, I saw a robot, a Fully Automated Receptionist (or “FAR”) to be exact.
I then said, “Card?”
The robot then gave-me an Ace of Clubs.
I shook my head.
It then gave-me a holographic “baseball” card—depicting a box-like robot beating a ball with a wooden bat.
I shook my head again.
It then grabbed a Library Card and gave-it to me.
Then, once I had filled-in the information, a recite came-out of a slot in it’s face.
“Have a nice day—please come again… Thank you, have a nice day! … Please, come again… Have a nice day—please, come again soon… HAVE A NICE…”
I then went-away (I think it had an error).

Once I was outside, I realized that I didn’t need the Geography Book now—I knew where the airport was, now.
So I decided to return my book early.

Once I arrived there, I saw several men with numerous tools and devices—trying to fix the malfunctioned F.A.R.
I wasn’t quite sure what else to do—the back of the F.A.R’s Head was open—it probably wouldn’t be of any help.
So I put the book on the floor and began rolling-away.
But, no sooner had I begun leaving, I realized that the book would easily get damaged on the floor—like a R.A.P.T.O.R (a fragile device my buddies and I used while building the P.T.M-thingy)—so I decided I better put it somewhere on a shelf (wether or not it belonged there).

Once I was done with that, I rolled outside and into the parking-lot.
I looked-around and I realized that a car was coming right at me!
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”
I covered my photosensors and, when I opened them, I realized that the car had already passed-over me.
“Oh…”

Eventually, I found the airport—at last!
Once I arrived inside, I realized that I had a problem: I was broke.
So I thought, perhaps I could work-on the plane and earn my stay?
I soon found a pilot who needed someone to serve “Coffee” (whatever that meant).

As I rolled-away, I saw the pilot stare at me funny.
I wondered why people are always so confused when I do something.

I soon began looking-for my plane (well, technically, it wasn’t my plane—it was the pilot’s—well, actually, technically, it was the airline’s—but that’s beside the point!).

Later, I found a bin with a bunch of moldy-food, broken-stuff, several odds-and-ends, rips and crinkles of paper, and just plain GARBAGE.
I fell in!
As I rolled-around, I tried to avoid these disgusting-things.
But soon, I saw a broken BAGGAGE—it only had a broken-zipper (that didn’t matter—I could open a zipper with my screw-driver).
“YIPEE!”
But then I came to realize something: I was stuck in a trash-can.
After exactly 3 hours, I realized that I could tip-over the bin!
So I leaned on the edge and… I was out!
I then rolled-off with my bag (unaware that I had just left a HUGE mess).

I realized that I was most messy—I had been in a trash-can.
I then realized that I had only been cleaned twice in my whole life!
So I took it upon myself to clean myself.

I didn’t want to get my germs on everything so I jumped-in my bag, zipped-it-up, and began rolling—hoping that I would eventually run-into a bathroom.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Steve`

The Library

After laying-down for a few hours on the sidewalk with Scratchy on my face, I tried getting-up.
“Nope—still over stimulated.” I thought as I collapsed back down on the sidewalk.
“Ow…”

But, soon enough, it started getting dark and I realized I better make the best out of my day—travel as far as I can until I have to find a place to rest.
But then I thought, “Steve, you can’t leave yet—you don’t even know where you’re going! Do you remember what happened last time you only followed instinct—you ended up in Canada! You need a map.”
So I went to the library—they should have some books on geography or something on their computers there.

Once I arrived there, I saw HUNDREDS of books!
I then realized that this wasn’t just any library—it was Powells!
Powells used to be a bookstore but, in 2034, it was turned into a library due to a dramatic chain of events.
There were over 7.4 million books (that’s a lot of books!)—surely at least 1 geography book must be here!
I began looking around when I saw a lady that worked there.
She was carrying a large pile of books when she put it in my arms!
I think she thought I was one of the robots that worked there.
Then another employee dropped a large stack of fat books in my arms!
Then another!
And another!
Then a robot that worked there came over and said in a very thick, mechanical accent, “I am off duty now—here, please take these for me—they belong on shelf number forty-two-thousand-seven-hundred-sixty-three.”
I wasn’t quite certain what a profound answer would be to that. The mechanical being then rolled-away.

So there I was—sitting there with aprox. 64 pounds of books.
I didn’t know what else to do so I decided to work there for a few hours.
I managed to strain over to a shelf (I assumed a book belonged there) but I wasn’t sure how to get a book from way up in my stack.
But, as I gazed-up, I noticed a geography book toward the bottom!
I immediately grabbed it—forgetting that I was holding over 50 books.
I held it front of me to make sure it really was a geography book, then held it up as I exclaimed, “YAY!”
Just at my moment of triumph, several books fell on top of me!
“Mphh…”

Steve`

Scratchy

Continued from last entry…

So there I was—sinking.
Several thoughts ran through my chip and I felt as if it were going to malfunction.
I received a new idea almost every 0.23142 seconds.
Unfortunately, all of them appeared irrelevant.

But then, perhaps by pure chance, a speedboat began going past me!
I nearly leaped into the air and… I must have totally underestimated the distance and depth between me and the boat—because I fell in the water!
I would have continued sinking there, if not the strong currents coming from the speedboat had carried me towards the shore.
Soon, I was on the shore—laying there, exhausted.
But soon, after a couple of waves tried to carry me away again, I was motivated to get up.

Just then, I realized something was on my head!
Shortly after I noticed this, something strange came from the top of my view screen!
I totally freaked-out and I began rolling-around on my treads and rubbing all-over my face—looking like I was going mad.
Whatever was on my head, it flew-off and I looked-around to see what it was.
It appeared to be some kind of hermit-crab (it probably hitched a ride on me as I was drifting through the currents).
I began rolling-away but the hermit crab followed me!
No-matter how far away I went or how complicated I zig-zagged, it still seemed to follow me—even when I wasn’t on the beach where it could see my tread-marks!
I remembered seeing someone walk their dog while I was in my tree-house.
So I decided to keep-it as a pet.
I soon decided to name it Scratchy (because it scratched my head when I first met it).

I soon began looking for some kind of holographic-newspaper so I could find-out where my group went.
Eventually I found one.
Soon, I began reading.
According to the ‘paper,’ there was a coupon in it for swiss-cheese—1% off!
But, since it was holographic, I couldn’t really… well… get it out!
Anyways, I read and discovered that the model, C.A.C, Nova-Class (that’s me!), was “Out-of-date” and that a “Brand new and improved” model was ready—Cluster-Class.
The old C.A.Cs would go to a museum in Hamburg, Germany.

I thought, “WHAT?!?!?!?!? NOW I HAVE TO GO TO GERMANY??!?!?!?!?!”
I collapsed on the hard sidewalk—exhausted just thinking-about it.
“Ow…”

Steve`

I Was Looking…

I was looking—looking for a boat,
I was looking—for a boat for me to use!
I was looking—for a boat,
I was looking—for at least SOMETHING to use!
(I didn’t realize I was getting poetic)
I was looking—for a boat,
I was looking—for a boat for me to use!
I was looking—for a boat, I was looking—for something to build with,
I was looking—for a boat,
I was looking—I thought, “I wonder if…”
I was looking—for a boat,
I was looking—for a…

I’m stuck.

Oh well!
Anyways, you get the point—I was looking for a boat or something like a boat.
I looked around and saw, just off a little from the shore, a giant sign that said, “Bob’s Rafts.”
I wondered, “Perhaps Bob, whoever that is, won’t mind if I borrow his raft… But then again, last time I borrowed something, it upset the lady. Suppose I asked him? Yes—I’ll do just that!”
So I went over to “Bob’s Rafts”, went to the desk, and asked the person at the desk (I assumed that was Bob) if I could borrow their raft.
He looked at me—confused.
I then realized that I just bleeped at him in Robot Language.
I pointed to one of the rafts.
He still looked confused.
I looked at his shirt and realized that there was a tag on it that read, “Phil.”
I thought, “Oh—so he’s not Bob.”
I stood there—feeling quite awkward and uncomfortable—a feeling I hadn’t experienced before.
I saw a piece of paper with words on it on the floor:
“BOB’S RAFTS

3 LARGE—$60
9 MEDIUM—$90
12 SMALL—$60

TAX: $3.75
TOTAL EXPENSES: $213.75
CHANGE: $5.63

THANK YOU—PLEASE COME AGAIN

This, obviously, was some kind of old receipt that wasn’t needed so I took it, punched in a couple of words (“I WANT A RAFT”, to be exact) with my screwdriver, and handed it over to… um… Phil—who was obviously currently dazed.
He slowly razed a hand—pointing over to a small raft.
I picked it up, and began leaving.
But he shouted, “STOP! THIEF!”
I put it down and looked around for the “Thief…”
I then realized that I was the thief!
So I brought the raft over to him and put it on the counter.
He backed away from it and coughed—stating that he was allergic to rafts.
This made absolutely no sense because how can you be allergic to rafts? Maybe the material it was made with but probably not the raft itself. And, if he was allergic to rafts, why did he work here?
This all ran through my head when, all of a sudden, I saw a hand in front of me.
Phil was reaching-out and said, “Five dollars please.”
I looked around but I didn’t see any money.
I held a grasper up and ran out the door.
I came back with five rocks I found and handed it to him.
He stared at it curiously but he gave me the raft and, soon, I was at the shore.

I took that raft, and threw it in the water.
I then rolled in and I was soon on my way across the river.
Well, it seemed that way but I soon realized I was actually going down the river.
I thought maybe I could use my screw-driver as a rudder so I went to the back, leaned-over and…
I heard a noise.
It sounded like, “PHHHHHTTTT!”—like air being released from a balloon.
I then realized that I had popped a hole in the raft with my screw-driver and that I was sinking slowly!
I began waving my arms and made a bunch of loud noises but it seemed like no one was noticing me.
So I waved faster and was even louder!
I looked-down and saw that the raft was half-way filled with water—and still rising!
That really motivated me to make loud-noises and flap my arms more.

Steve`

So today, I was awakened at the sound of several objects sliding down the top of my temporary shelter.
I turns out, there are a bunch of short people that, for some reason, absolutely love sliding down this… er… uh… slide…

Anyways, I began heading south today and, when I saw the columbia river, I knew I was almost there.
But by that time I was quite tired.

But I realized I had enough energy-level to get over the bridge.
But then I realized the terrible truth—the bridge was a connection between the two P.T.Ms!
Not only had I been too late to build the P.T.M but I wouldn’t be able to get over without another wild-ride!
“Well, maybe when I go there I will find a clue to where they went.” thought I.
So I made-up my mind to still go to Portland.

I decided to take it nice and slow boarding the P.T.M this time.
I went over to the station and saw the little keyboard/screen-thingy I saw before.
But, instead of running-up onto it, I had a plan: I would take that lady over there’s purse (she wasn’t near it so I supposed she didn’t care—I would give it back later), bring it to the keyboard/screen-thingy, drive onto it, type in, “PORTLAND”, run really fast over to give the lady her purse back, and board the P.T.M-thingy-majig.

I then thought to myself, “Step 1—get the lady’s purse and bring it to the keyboard-thing.”
I rolled-over, and began pulling… straining… continual straining… AND…
*THONK!*
“…Ow….”—the purse fell on-top of me—it was on a bench when I pulled it.
I got-up, dragged the thing over to the keyboard-thing, went on top, and…
I heard the lady screaming, “My purse! Oh my! Who has my purse?!?!?!?!”
“Uh-oh…”
I then realized that she must’ve wanted it and I brought it over behind the bench.
I then watched from a safe distance and made sure she got her purse back.

I then rolled out-of the station and thought, “What now?”
I rolled over to the Columbia River—intending to look at my reflection and, somehow, the idea would pop-up.
But I never did really get to look at my reflection—because an idea popped-up after seeing a large barge (hey that rhymed—I didn’t expect that!)—a boat!
I could build a boat!
And I’ll leave you guys on a cliff-hanger for dramatic-emphasis—and I’m rather tired now…

Steve`

Pleased…

I never truly stopped and looked at my entire blog.
And, I must say, not to gloat or anything, that is quite something.
I am quite pleased with it and how far I’ve gotten into this whole ‘blogging-thing.’

Anyways, I was wondering, when you read my posts, what do you think I look like?

Thanks for taking-time to read my blog!

Steve`

P.S: Tonight, I will be staying under a Park-Slide.
It’s rather cold but it works—besides, I can just turn-off my Temperature Sensors…